One of the most common questions clients bring into therapy is:
"How do I know if this feeling is my intuition warning me, or just my anxiety trying to take over?" It’s an important — and complicated — question. Both intuition and anxiety are tied to our internal sense of safety. Both show up as feelings in our bodies. Both, in their own way, are trying to protect us. But when we confuse them, it can cause real consequences: either avoiding opportunities unnecessarily or dismissing genuine gut instincts that could have kept us safe. Research shows that around 19% of U.S. adults experience an anxiety disorder each year (National Institute of Mental Health, 2023). Given how common anxiety is, it makes sense that many of us wrestle with distinguishing fear-based thinking from intuitive knowing. So how can we tell the difference? It helps to start with how each one tends to feel:
One client shared standing in the parking lot after a job interview. A part of her felt a steady, wordless knowing that something about the company culture wasn’t right. That was intuition. But minutes later, the anxiety storm hit: "Maybe you’re just imagining it. What if you never get another offer? What if you’re being ungrateful?" The spinning thoughts weren’t her gut — they were her fear. Picture yourself at a crossroads:
Studies also show that people with anxiety disorders often experience a phenomenon called threat hypervigilance — where the brain is wired to constantly scan for danger, even when none exists (Grupe & Nitschke, 2013). This wiring can make anxiety feel louder and more persistent than intuition. A simple self-check you can try when you're caught in uncertainty:
Why it matters: Mistaking anxiety for intuition can lead to missed opportunities — relationships, careers, friendships, or experiences that could have brought fulfillment. Mistaking intuition for anxiety can cause us to override vital red flags — stepping into harmful situations we could have avoided. Learning to tell the difference is not about getting it perfect — it’s a practice. It takes patience, self-compassion, and sometimes the support of a therapist or trusted guide. But with consistent effort, you begin to trust yourself — not just your choices, but your inner compass itself.
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Relationships can be a source of deep connection and security, but for many individuals, they can also feel like an emotional rollercoaster. If you’ve ever found yourself caught in a pattern where one moment you crave closeness and the next you push your partner away, you may be experiencing a push-pull dynamic. This pattern often stems from unresolved abandonment wounds and can create a cycle of emotional instability that is difficult to break.
Understanding the Push-Pull DynamicPush-pull dynamics occur when one or both partners vacillate between seeking intimacy and creating distance. At the core of this behavior is an internal conflict: a deep longing for connection paired with an intense fear of being hurt or left behind. This results in one or both partners engaging in behaviors such as:
The Role of Abandonment WoundsAbandonment wounds often originate in childhood, stemming from experiences such as neglect, inconsistent caregiving, or parental loss. These early experiences shape the way individuals form attachments in adult relationships. People with abandonment fears may subconsciously reenact past relational patterns, expecting rejection or abandonment and acting in ways that make those fears feel inevitable. For example, someone with deep abandonment fears may:
How to Break the CycleBreaking free from the push-pull dynamic requires self-awareness, emotional healing, and intentional relationship patterns. Here are some steps to help: 1. Recognize the PatternAwareness is the first step to change. Notice when you feel the urge to pull your partner closer or push them away, and reflect on what emotions are driving these actions. 2. Heal Abandonment WoundsTherapy can be a powerful tool for addressing deep-seated fears of abandonment. Inner child work, attachment-focused therapy, and trauma processing can help heal past wounds. 3. Communicate OpenlyHonest conversations about fears and insecurities can foster understanding in relationships. Expressing needs without blame allows for emotional safety and stability. 4. Develop Secure Attachment SkillsPracticing self-soothing techniques, setting healthy boundaries, and learning to tolerate emotional intimacy can help shift toward a secure attachment style. 5. Choose Partners Who Are Emotionally AvailableIf you find yourself repeatedly drawn to partners who reinforce abandonment fears, consider exploring why. Healthy relationships require both partners to be willing to engage in secure connection. Final ThoughtsIf you struggle with push-pull dynamics in your relationships, know that you’re not alone. These patterns often stem from deeply rooted fears, but with awareness and healing, it is possible to cultivate stable, fulfilling connections. Therapy can be a transformative space to explore these dynamics, process past wounds, and build healthier relationship habits. If you’re ready to work on breaking the cycle, consider scheduling a session to start your healing journey. What Is Codependency?
Codependency is a deeply ingrained pattern where one person’s sense of self-worth and identity becomes tied to another’s well-being. While it was first identified in families struggling with addiction, codependency can emerge in any kind of relationship — romantic, familial, or even in friendships — where emotional boundaries blur and personal needs are constantly sacrificed. In therapy, clients struggling with codependency often describe feeling exhausted, resentful, invisible, or uncertain about who they are without the roles they play for others. One client described it best: “I don’t know where I end and everyone else begins.” Common signs of codependency include:
While codependency can happen in any environment, it’s most common in families where survival — emotional or physical — depends on staying attuned to others' needs:
Left unchecked, codependency can have serious consequences:
Healing is possible, but it requires a deep commitment to self-awareness and change. Some first steps include:
One client I worked with described healing from codependency as "peeling back layers of armor I didn’t even know I was wearing.” Over time, she rebuilt her identity around her values — not around who she could please or rescue. Final Thoughts Codependency is not a life sentence. It’s a set of learned behaviors — and what is learned can be unlearned. By investing in your own healing, you are not only reclaiming your emotional autonomy but also building the foundation for healthier, more fulfilling relationships. If you see yourself in these patterns, you are not alone — and you are not broken. Therapy can offer a safe space to untangle old wounds and begin writing a new story grounded in self-respect, balance, and true connection. |
AuthorHello, my name is Lauren King. I will be primarily writing blog posts you see within 'Healing Horizons.' I am passionate about my work as a therapist and truly hope that these posts can help you in your journey toward better metal health or learning about mental health. ArchivesCategories |